where are you from?
October 16, 2023
A question I often get.
Especially when travelling, It is one of the first things you ask or are asked - a question that might seem straightforward for many, but it is far from it for me.
It is a complex question, and the ones asking probably don’t realise all the thoughts that go through my mind when it pops. My mind sometimes starts working on it before the question even arises - which part of the story should I disclose in this situation?
The factors that play a role when questioning: the person asking, is it a quick superficial chat or will I meet that person better (do I want to meet that person more deeply)? How much time do we have? In which geographical location is the conversation taking place? Do I feel like explaining, or should I give a quick answer (aka, what is my personal state at that moment)?
Usually, when people ask where you are from, the answer could be as straightforward as, from here or that, that country, that city, that region.
In my case, it is more complex than that.
Having grown up in Brazil, but in a very international environment, the concept of identity has never been a straight line. My paternal grandparents are originally from Poland (they went to Brazil during World War II). From my mother's side, my sisters and I are the third generation not born in Switzerland - my great-grandmother (from my grandmother’s side) eventually came to Brazil. However, we still hold Swiss nationality and have relatives living there. And my maternal grandfather has his lineage stemming from England. Yet, both my parents were born and raised in a coastal city in Brazil, Santos (a one-and-a-half-hour drive from Sao Paulo).
I later was born and raised in the megacity of São Paulo.
My sisters and I attended a Swiss school, and I went to high school in a German school, getting my German certification to apply to universities in Europe. Our school curriculum was taught in both languages - Portuguese and German.
In high school, I had Brazilian and German history, math in both languages, Physics in German, chemistry in Portuguese, Biology in German and Geography in Portuguese—grammar and literature in both languages, as well as English.
When we were small, we sang traditional German kids songs such as “Liebe liebe Sonne” or “Tannenbaum” repeatedly in the car, or the Canadian children’s musician Raffi was also one of our favourites. At home, we watched movies in English and listened to American music - The Beach Boys, The Queens and Rolling Stones were CDs often played at home and in the car when driving to school. Thus, I do not know much of the actual Brazilian culture (no wonder when people talk to me about Brazilian artists and excitedly invite me to a concert, my excitement and knowledge are limited).
However, our home language was Portuguese.
My mom kept Swiss German when talking to me and my sisters (we are three), but we usually answered in Portuguese (unless we didn’t want anyone to understand us). My dad tried to implement Polish in our routines a few times, but that didn’t pick up that well. A few simple, daily words were used, but not much more than that (even though that was the language he used to communicate with his parents). Portuguese was and still is the common language for us all. Even though our Portuguese sometimes sounds a bit foreign to some, and in our conversations, we often tend to bring words or sentences in English, German or any other language that pops up. That has intensified even more after my older sister and I started living abroad.
When I was 19, I moved to Switzerland to study, and have since then been based there (with one year in between living in the US). That was at the beginning of 2010, thirteen and a half years ago. I know how to do business in English and German (the languages I did my bachelor's and master's, respectively, and the ones I used at work while living in Switzerland). I feel uneducated when talking about business or negotiating in Portuguese. My Portuguese is old-fashioned - I use expressions that are no longer used, and sometimes, I don’t understand the slang used nowadays. However, sharing emotions in Portuguese still feels right.
Honestly, I don't think I'm fluent in any of the languages; when speaking English, people guess I'm from the US, sometimes Australia, or somewhere from South America. Depending on who's trying to guess where I'm from. In High German, the comment I once got that pretty much summarises it: "Your pronunciation is perfect, your grammar is s***". With Swiss German, people often get confused and have difficulty guessing my origins. Zürich, Tessin, the French part, and Greece are a few of the attempts I've heard. Last but not least, my Portuguese, as mentioned, is old-fashioned, possibly nowadays, with an accent, and it is hard for me to refrain from throwing in any English words in the conversation.
Nowadays, I count in Portuguese (I always say that you’ll know someone’s mother tongue by the language they count something), my writing is in English, my most comfortable expression of feelings sometimes in Portuguese, sometimes in English, my dreams and thoughts, depends on the environment I am in and the language that is being used most at the moment.
My parents live in Brazil, and so does my middle sister. My older sister and her family live in Australia. Most of my friends live in Switzerland, although I still have some in Brazil and others spread around the globe. I am officially registered in Switzerland, and so is my business. However, I have been living a nomadic life (without an apartment) for the past three and a half years, and Indonesia has been where I've felt the most at home since 2019.
Can you now understand why the question “Where are you from?” is difficult for me to answer? (it has even already become a subject for Trivia 😂).
I can’t fully relate to the Brazilian culture, where I was raised and born, nor can I with the Swiss or Polish, which were the cultures I grew up with. I feel out of place when I’m in either place. Home has been an abstract concept for me.
As with anything in life, there are always pros and cons.
In the same way that I feel displaced, I have developed chameleon mechanisms and can adapt to various scenarios. My interdisciplinary professional background helped me with that further. I can empathise and relate to multiple cultures, professions and individuals, always finding a point of connection with the people I meet along the way.
When people ask me the question where I’m from (sometimes also trying to guess through my accent in whichever language I am using), if we’re in Europe, I’ll probably answer Switzerland since it is closer and more accessible to relate to. While in Indonesia, I often answered Brazil since I felt the culture and lifestyle were more relatable to Brazil than Switzerland. Mostly, I’ll answer that I grew up in Brazil but have been living in Switzerland for the last thirteen years (if it makes sense to expand the conversation, I might add that the previous three years, I have been living a nomad life). People then often get confused when they read my last name (a very Polish one). That’s the moment when more explanation is needed.
So, just like I adjust myself and adapt to the location I am currently in, I also tailor-make the answer I give when the questions of where I am from or where I live are raised.
Nowadays, I don't identify myself much with a specific culture but rather with traits, values and ways of living. My deeper social connections are usually based on a person's intrinsic attributes, experiences and visions rather than physical locations.
In one of my podcast episodes, I had an insightful talk with Soren Knudsen (a good friend of my dad who has experienced a similar path of defining his roots), covering the topic of the term Third Culture Kids - one which explains a lot about this feeling of creating a culture that is not defined by where you come from but rather the opposite: a group of “displaced” people who connect through their values rather than the origins - here to the episode.
Lately, this topic has been a very present one for me, and I have tried to pay more attention to how I feel among different people and cultures and the answers I usually give to each one - what influences that, and what am I trying to say with all of it?
But one of my recent observations has also been that, despite all of these questionings, adapting and adjusting, when I’m on my own (especially while enjoying solitude in nature), that question is never raised.
When I’m enjoying my own company, none of that matters. I am where I am, I am who I am, no questions or doubts raised, none of that matters.
Isn’t it thought-provoking how we feel the need to put ourselves in boxes when talking to others, while when we’re on our own, there are no boxes to be defined?