They've put me in a box...
…or did I go in myself?
Labels, names, clusters, bubbles…All ways to categorize individuals to facilitate understanding. To profile people, we have known for years or have just briefly met, and organize them in boxes, through judgements based on our past experiences or learnings, solely in an attempt to reduce the complexity in our already cluttered minds.
Exactly two years ago, I remember going through a time of multiple questionings, a time where I needed (yet again) a significant change in the lifestyle I had been living. One of those moments of disruption that leave you vulnerable, scared of the unknown, but thirsty for new adventures.
To receive fresh insights from a neutral perspective, I've visited a therapist for a few sessions (until I had built up enough strength to tear off the walls that were holding me back). In one the sessions, I remember drawing in her whiteboard how I was feeling (as a visual person, that was the easiest way to display my agony - the words alone wouldn't have been enough). In the drawing, the people who I held dear were all around me, but each one encapsulated by a bubble. Each of these clusters contained the lives of those individuals in question (including my dearest friends, family, and boyfriend), sharing the space of the environment with other individuals alike. I had drawn myself in the middle of the chart, surrounded by circles that encompassed the people I loved. I did, however, not have any line drawn around myself. I was alone in the middle of my reality, not pertaining to any of these groups, continuously jumping from one reality to another - playing only the role of a mere passerby in other's realities. She asked me "what about you, where is your bubble?" - my answer? "that's the point; there is none..."
That bothered me at the time - the not fitting in, not belonging, not having a cluster on my own. But looking back, isn't that a feeling of freedom after all? To not be part of one specific, pre-labelled group, but rather a citizen of life, absorbing information from different realities, to then (continually) define that which works for you best. Learning and unlearning along the way. To respect others as they are - unique individuals as yourself - with own fears, doubts, abilities, belief systems, desires and aspirations. Can't we all simply drop the labels and burst the bubbles around us, so that we are all free to move in the white space that surrounds us?
Sometimes, I confess, I too find myself categorizing people (I guess it is a job our brains have been conditioned to perform). However, I have been trying to train my awareness to understand where those (biased) pre-judgements come from. I have also been catching myself putting my own person in a (only self-defined) box, continually trying to figure out how to break free and get rid of the surrounding walls. The creation of lines derived from labels others have given us in the past, or the cages of self-protection we have constructed ourselves during years of accumulation. When was the last time you have stopped to pay attention to your patterns of thoughts or behaviours?
To sum up, I here leave the words of Stephen R. Covey to be reflected and acted upon, not only towards others but also towards ourselves:
"The more we can see people in terms of their unseen potential, the more we can use our imagination rather than our memory. We can refuse to label them - we can "see" them in new fresh ways each time we're with them" - with everyone, every day.
Learning to unlearn. Breaking free. Dropping the walls that surround us and embracing individuality. Respecting and treating each one as they are, unique characters, from whom you'll always have something to learn from.