my biggest learning: unlearning
January 7, 2024
Recently, in a social gathering, while meeting new people and going through that usual life storytelling procedure - where all parties involved in the conversation answer questions about where they are from and what they do professionally. Eventually, the ones around me got intrigued about my last 3,5 years. Mainly the process of not having an apartment and how I managed that (aka, where did I live if not in a conventional Homebase and how exactly did that lifestyle look like).
Even though it is something I have told many about already (how I mainly lived in Hotels around Switzerland for two years, and occasionally, in between Hotel jobs, I sometimes did housesit, stayed with friends or family, or got myself an Airbnb, and how since mid-2022 I have been rerouting my lifestyle, but still living in a nomadic way - at least for now) this particular conversation brought an additional interesting provoking question that I hadn't encountered before: what was your most significant takeaway throughout this process?
I had to ponder that one for a second.
My answer eventually came quite clearly: the learnings and (mainly) unlearnings this journey has brought about myself, others and the existing ways of living.
Before we had entered this part of the conversation, I was talking to the lady beside me who had previously worked writing articles about the educational system in Switzerland. We touched upon the subject of how we are conditioned to go through a path that is set as a standard for all, how there is a general expectation of society to put us in boxes and inhibit our free thinking so that the working system as it is continues to work without second questionings.
Already at five years old, if you are not developing as the average kids of your age, you must attend therapies to ensure you fit in again as soon as possible (something that I know of from mothers who have their kids attending the Swiss school system. And this is a common thing not only in Switzerland as I've heard from others in other countries). During my visit to Australia at the end of 2023, I encountered families that educate their kids through the principles of unschooling - one that I find highly fascinating (and reminds me of the movie "Captain Fantastic") (if you want to read more about what unschooling is, here is the description given in Wikipedia or read this additional interesting perspective found online).
It is tough to get out when you are born and educated in the "standard" process. Many are unaware that other options exist and that one can live in uncountable ways (for me, it was also an abstract reality before I started testing it).
That's what my last 3,5 years have been about - unlearning everything I learned about the system, career, living standards and routines. It has been (and still is) a process of testing my boundaries, understanding which other ways of living exist out there and what attracts me personally (while putting my engrained expectations and those of others aside).
During this process of changing my reality entirely - from a corporate background to a nomad self-taught artist/entrepreneur - I lost (what I thought were) friends, I felt lonely many times (especially at the beginning of the journey when everything was still so new and unknown), I (as well as many around me) questioned my doings, felt insecure and thought about giving up many times (getting a corporate job would have made it all so much easier). Crying and feeling unsure often came to the surface (not to mention that feeling when waking up and needing a few minutes to reorient myself - where am I again..?).
Eventually, it all became my comfort zone - constantly meeting new people, moving, making myself feel at home wherever I landed, and quickly finding my way in unknown territories.
This time, I'm experiencing yet again a process of learning and unlearning - who am I in this new chapter? Now that I know I will stay around the same place for longer. Having a type of routine, going to the same places every week, and seeing the same faces regularly has shown to be a new challenge for me. What is the comfort zone of many has become my uncomfortable zone. Being around too many people and social gatherings that entail explaining who you are is yet something I have to get used to—the feeling of not belonging creeps in occasionally (more often than not).
This leads me to another conversation I had these last days: spending time alone vs. with others.
Throughout these last years, I spent (a lot of) quality time on my own. I became my best friend and my best company. To such an extent that, nowadays, I often cancel social gatherings to be with myself for a bit. Eating alone in restaurants, going on my own to events or exhibitions, and walking alone through multitudes of couples and families on a sunny Sunday afternoon don't bother me. In conversation with friends, I realised that this is not the usual. Many dread being alone. They wouldn't go to the movies or shows on their own.
Their "out of the comfort zone" has become my comfort zone. And the other way around is also true.
Constantly meeting with people or, as mentioned before, big social gatherings, which many look forward to attending, has become my "out of the comfort zone". With time, I am also learning to find my way around it and adapt (I often like to see myself as a chameleon, changing colours depending on the environment while still maintaining the core intact). Embrace my "weirdness" and be open to how things develop. I like to see these experiments, confrontations, or however you want to call them, as mind training and growth opportunities.
One thing I also found interesting to ponder about (which was also one topic of the dinner where this whole train of thought started) is that I am in a position where I have the opportunity again to “build relationships” with time (as I will be staying around here for a while now). As one of the dinner participants pointed out, "If you're always moving, you always stay superficial, and you end up not going deep into the getting to know each other".
However, when looking back, I'm afraid I have to disagree. I have connected with a few individuals when travelling way more deeply than with "friends" I had for years. I had conversations with people I met along the way on a much more intimate level than with others I spent years meeting regularly. Ultimately, I believe it all depends on the person you're connecting with.
When living an alternative lifestyle and meeting others going through a similar journey to yours, it is as if you skip all the chit-chat and go right to the core of the being, making it all more interesting (at least for me, who - clearly - enjoys philosophical exchanges). And you could apply this to any shared passion, anything that connects you to another individual at whichever level (a life event, a sport, a shared cultural heritage, etc.).
What started as a "simple" question during dessert ended in these fully written lines of contemplation. I don't know if it will resonate with you. Or, if it even makes sense to you, all I wrote. Either way, I simply wanted to share the thoughts that continued in my mind after the question was posed that Friday evening to possibly trigger further thoughts in your mind. After all, sharing is caring.