Re-setting

If I can be honest with you, the past week hasn’t been an easy one—an array of emotions that are hard to describe. From feeling powerful, in control, and in the possibility of doing everything that I want. To question all the steps, asking myself how I could contribute more, to sleeping an average of 10 hours a day (compared to my usual 7), reading and watching series in a way I probably never done before. Slowing down, literally...

Maybe it is due to the holiday season, which once was all about spending time with that big family - a get together of the parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, attachments, kids, filled with countless dishes, cookies and vodka. Nowadays, days alone in grey and cold weather, organising and moving around houses, getting acquainted by new surroundings and a need for high-speed adaptation skills. A type of nostalgia that sometimes creeps in.

Maybe it is because it is the first time in months that I slow down, that I can choose not to work, that no compromises are in place, that the day can be created as it flows, without commitments or deliveries.

Maybe it’s because a weird year is coming to an end. Weird as in unusual. A year that no one saw coming. That the collective mood is hard to describe, and emotions have been on speed for almost everyone I know—a rollercoaster of happenings.

Or maybe (most probably) it is all combined.

It is almost like a feeling of being in standby, not with the power on, nor off. Maybe sitting, waiting, wishing as Jack Johnson would say. Perhaps merely a needed recharge to kickstart 2021 with full fuel. Not sure how to describe. The energy will come back, I am sure, not sure when, but it will. Until then, I’ll keep on finding the energy plugs not to let the power source dissipate. ⁠

Finding those little joys in the day, put a song to dance to, read a book that has forever been laid on the side, do the things my routine usually does not allow. Sleep as many hours as my body requests, without an alarm clock. Step on the break, consciously, and let me be, on the now. ⁠

Your experience for this year-end might differ completely from mine; maybe you’re surrounded by loved ones, perhaps you’re out and about exploring, or perhaps you might be going through some similar questionings.

Either way, wherever you are, let’s be grateful and curiously look for what our paths might bring. It will for sure be an exciting time to come and, I am sure, by no means lame ;)