A stranger in your own reality

I'm sure we've all been there in one or another way. That feeling of not belonging. Of being an outsider, feeling out of place, a little fish out of the water.

I had that feeling already in the past, in various situations. But since this Hotel Nomad journey started, it has been an intensified version. A little alien trying to find its space in the universe.

I remember exchanging some voice messages with my older sister right in the beginning while staying in my second Hotel. I told her how lonely this journey felt and how lost I sometimes felt. I felt like a stranger in my own reality.

She told me something back then that kept echoing in my mind (you know, those moments that make a click and stick to your memory as pivotal turning points). Her words: "you just need to find your tribe".

My tribe.. .did I even know what that meant? Who and where is my tribe? How am I supposed to know...

During the past 1,5 years, it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I was feeling weird in places where I used to feel comfortable. Things have changed. And I have changed.

This past week, that feeling of being outcasted came back up again (stronger than ever). Not belonging in a place where you used to belong can be a pretty harsh stab.

A realisation that your reality has shifted. Completely. What used to be your comfort zone is no longer there - the base you used to have shakes and dissolves.

You realise that more changes have to be made to rebuild a base (not necessarily physically, but mainly emotionally).

Fear creeps in. As a phrase that I recently received from a friend said, "not the fear of the unknowing, but rather the feeling of losing what you've known so far". Unlearning. To start learning again.

Completely tear apart the house you've been building for years, then restart the build-up from scratch. A new home with a new structure, putting together brick by brick after that.

Start reconstructing a new reality.

I finally understood what my sister meant back then.

It's time to (re)find (or perhaps redefine) my tribe.

Have you found yours?