(not) belonging
A few days ago, while talking to a good friend, we came to the topic of (not) belonging.
It is common for individuals who grow up in Switzerland (possibly in other countries it is the same..?) to have a group of friends with whom one grows up - a core that represents almost like an extended family—shared values and memories. I've heard the phrases "I don't need new friends", for the core was enough.
Expats moving here often find it difficult to fully integrate into these circles since they aren't that receptive for outsiders (unless you end up joining as a partner of one of the members, or you are introduced by someone). It's not like they do it intentionally either. It is just the way they know it. Those are their friends, and more are not necessarily needed.
A challenge for individuals that do not possess such a circle. A feeling of somehow not belonging to any core, of being an outsider. Instead of having one fixed circle of friends, one has several "single" people across bubbles. Individuals from different surroundings, backgrounds, realities. A mix and match. Friends from various times in life.
I've noticed this is often true for expats, or individuals that come from a mixed background, who grew up with various cultures and roots, or the ones who are simply curious and are often moving discovering new realities.
As another friend of mine once put it, the so(u)le riders. Individuals who move independently and end up creating this patchworked network.
The solid base becomes oneself, not a location, not a specific group of people, but a movement, a flow, forever changing, adjusting, recalibrating.
For these outliers, a feeling of somehow not belonging occasionally creeps in—a sense of being a lost soul without a fixed core to go back to.
If you think about it, though, even then, you belong to this network of "outsiders", making you an insider.
There is an instant connection, where both parties share that feeling of being this blend of experiences, cultures, of not fitting in one specific box, having bits and pieces from various baskets instead.
No words are needed; you simply understand each other. You share that feeling of (not) belonging.